in dreams, emotions are overwhelming.

She opened her eyes and saw him holding her, keeping her head above water. In trying to keep her afloat, he could barely keep his head up. She woke to him spitting out ocean water and gave a weary laugh. He turned his head and smiled, and she smiled back. As she regained her senses, she rearranged their positions so they were holding each other, comfortably buoyant.

Both were aware that something horrible had happened, and may not be over, yet they smiled, and laughed, and stared into each others eyes and felt happy. Though all around them was uncertainty and danger, in each others arms they felt safe. They felt content, like this was exactly where they belonged. She became overwhelmed with love, and emotions she couldn’t quite place, when she felt the force of his arms around her and heard him laugh that laugh she loved so much.

All at once, she felt his lips on hers for the first time in years. She remembered the feel of his hands on her face, the taste of his tongue, she forgot how wonderful it felt to be this close to him, to have him want to be this close to her. Everything fell into place, the world made sense again. Nothing else mattered.

She opened her eyes.

She pulled back the covers, remembered where she was.

She was drowning again, in the world without him.

———————————————————

I woke up from a dream today, and the above was all I could remember from it. I felt the need to write it down as a story (I am not a writer, as you can tell, but I needed to document the feeling as best as I could.)

I had a pit in my stomach all day thinking about him, and how empty my life has seemed without him. I thought I was OK, but my subconscious decided to remind me that I wasn’t.

I feel like the world keeps trying to remind me of him, when all I want to do is let go. I’m starting to worry I’ll never be able to.

  • Me: I've been making my own gin. I have to keep the bottle stored in a cold, dark place.
  • Friend: Great, shove it up my vagina.

a random Monday night in December, went to see Arthur Darvill and the amazingly talented cast of Once perform a bunch of shit. and basically got to watch Rory Williams sing No Diggity. (I like the way YOU work it, Darvill…)

and then Glen fucking Hansard shows up and everyone dies.

and then Zachary Levi was just chillin’ at the show and afterwards he lets everyone and their mothers take pictures of his face like the sweetest guy in the world.

————aka

the best $15 i ever spent on a Monday night & why I love calling New York City my home.

<3

Watching the fight scene between Zachary Quinto and Benedict Cumberbatch in IMAX 3D was literally one of the best things I’ve seen in a while.


Like holy shit, can Benedict be any hotter while kicking ass in this movie? Both of these men can get it, for real.

ramblings.

This one scene in The Brothers Bloom. You know the one. Bloom and Penelope are walking, they pass behind a wall, and all of a sudden they are holding hands. Such a simple act, almost meaningless to so many people these day, but such a lovely and wonderful thing that is taken for granted. Bloom smiles, Penelope smiles. Pure and simple happiness.

And then! He methodically, purposefully, pulls his hand away and puts it in his pocket. Penelope looks confused, slightly hurt.

This scene always resonates so deeply with me. I think because it is the epitome of every relationship I have had in the last few years bunched into a few minutes of film.

The joy and elation of meeting someone you actually LIKE, someone you just fucking love being around, and thank your lucky stars this great person likes you too! Silly smiles, and carefree attitudes. And then he gets distant, and he pulls his metaphorical hand away, deliberately. It wasn’t just dropping your hand for a moment, he was shutting you out and he wants you to know it without being ballsy enough to come out and say it.

So you bring your hands closer to yourself, you take the hint. You don’t fully understand it, but what can you really do? The smiles fade. It’s so quick. It’s so quick you don’t even know if you made the whole thing up in the first place.

It hurts, and all you want is to hold their hand again.

One day I’ll be lucky enough to find someone who won’t let go.

Until then?

Who knows.

I can not be the only person who thinks about Ross Geller while watching Dinosaurs on a Spaceship, can I?

thoughts on the new TARDIS interior

first thoughts upon seeing pictures online: uhm. but. ok. why though?

primary thoughts upon seeing it during the episode: TOO MUCH CHANGE. NO. I HATE IT. HATE IT. MAKE IT STOP. NO.

secondary thoughts about 5 seconds after primary thoughts: actually. ok. FINE. IT’S RAD. IT’S SUPER RAD AND I THINK I MIGHT ACTUALLY LOVE IT OK.

tertiary thoughts after letting my mind wander: Maybe he just needed to redecorate to help ease the pain of losing the Ponds, keep his mind occupied and hands busy…maybe it reminded him too much of the past and he wanted a new start. Oh god, WHYYY ::sobs::

and lastly: very very reminiscent of classic who JUST IN TIME FOR THE ANNIVERSARY. i see what you did there…..

bottom line: APPROVED.

truth

if i ever met Amy Poehler.

i would probably act how Leslie Knope acted around Joe Biden.

fact.

what better way to weather the storm than a good cup of French press coffee and re-watching Doctor Who?

Well, since I may end up working from home once the market is open again (thanks Sandy!) I was setting up my new wireless mouse. Maybe it&#8217;s because I currently have them on my screen, but tell me part of the mouse doesn&#8217;t look like it came from raxacoricofallapatorius?

what better way to weather the storm than a good cup of French press coffee and re-watching Doctor Who?

Well, since I may end up working from home once the market is open again (thanks Sandy!) I was setting up my new wireless mouse. Maybe it’s because I currently have them on my screen, but tell me part of the mouse doesn’t look like it came from raxacoricofallapatorius?

you forgot rose.

just a typical friday night bar hop, and as usual i manage to turn the conversation over to doctor who. my friends know little to nothing of this wonderful magical show…

Friend: Let me sum up for you everything I know about Doctor Who in 10 seconds. Matthew Smith. David Tennant. Amy Pond. Rory? Donna. TARDIS. Martha. And a whale in space.

Me: IT WAS A STAR WHALE.